3 Weeks...

It is three weeks to the minute, since I found out that my mother had left this earth.

Quite a statement to make on a Monday.

It was 3:47pm on Monday, August 8, 2005. I was cranking through the work day...I was really earning my keep. The phone rings...and since that call, my life has never been the same.

The call was from my father. He had no other way to share the news - except to give it to me straight through his tears. "Jen, come home. Your mother is dead." The disbelief left me shaking. How could this be true? I am not even 30!??! She was not even 65!!?

Work was fantastic. My boss and team were supportive and helped make sure I got home quickly and safely. I reached home by 4:15.

I ran upstairs and there she was. Peaceful. At rest. But, whilst she was lying there at peace, my heart broke and ached for even an extra fraction of a moment to be with my mom, to hear here laugh, to see her smile and sparkling eyes, a to feel her great big hugs - one more time.

My father held me...and told me it would be ok. We would be ok.
He was so strong. He gave me the motivation to be strong back for him. I stood on my two feet and walked past the cops, past the medical examiners in the room and walked up to my mom. The thought she could be gone made no sense...I had to check for a pulse. Hold her hand. Squeeze it, like I did as a child, in hopes that she would wake up and squeeze my hand back. When she didn't...the tears flowed with the thoughts in my head.

Less than 48 hours later, I was saying my goodbyes - all too premature.

I still feel like she is on a business trip...about to come home. Unfortunately, I know my reality - and I wish she would be around to teach many of her gifts to my children and share them with my future partner. While she won't be there to do it - I will make sure it is done and through that she will live.

My Mom, as I knew, and as it is reinforced through other's words every day, was an amazing person. Intelligent. Witty. Caring. Charming. Passionate. A teacher. A leader. Quiet. Cuddly. Stubborn. She set a table you didn't want to disturb. Sophisticated. A lover of music, art, jewelry...the finer things in life. Down-to-earth. Patient. Believed in doing things 100%. Polite. Loving. As a distant friend put it...she was a "top lady".

This is obviously a difficult time, but I feel very fortunate to have friends and family to lean on...without them, this journey would certainly feel like one not worth taking.

Thank you guys for your support. Much love.

I love you, Mom.


Blogger allison said...


The words escape ne.

But I am proud of you for being so strong and holding up so well. Anything you need. Anything. We're here.

10:48 AM  
Anonymous jules said...

I love you big as the sky and will always love recalling memories of your mother with you.

5:51 PM  
Blogger SirTalksALot said...

Hey there...I'm a little late on this, and I'm always afraid of saying the wrong thing in serious situations, but really want to express support and that I'll pray for you and your family that God's peace and comfort will be with you all.

8:16 AM  
Blogger Kara said...

Hi. We don't know each other, but I read your blog once in a while.

I just wanted to say, in case it might be a comfort somehow, that you really resemble her. You are probably very much like her, so in that way, she's always with you.

Thank you for sharing such a personal story - it's a wakeup call for me.

3:25 PM  

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