3 Weeks...

It is three weeks to the minute, since I found out that my mother had left this earth.

Quite a statement to make on a Monday.

It was 3:47pm on Monday, August 8, 2005. I was cranking through the work day...I was really earning my keep. The phone rings...and since that call, my life has never been the same.

The call was from my father. He had no other way to share the news - except to give it to me straight through his tears. "Jen, come home. Your mother is dead." The disbelief left me shaking. How could this be true? I am not even 30!??! She was not even 65!!?

Work was fantastic. My boss and team were supportive and helped make sure I got home quickly and safely. I reached home by 4:15.

I ran upstairs and there she was. Peaceful. At rest. But, whilst she was lying there at peace, my heart broke and ached for even an extra fraction of a moment to be with my mom, to hear here laugh, to see her smile and sparkling eyes, a to feel her great big hugs - one more time.

My father held me...and told me it would be ok. We would be ok.
He was so strong. He gave me the motivation to be strong back for him. I stood on my two feet and walked past the cops, past the medical examiners in the room and walked up to my mom. The thought she could be gone made no sense...I had to check for a pulse. Hold her hand. Squeeze it, like I did as a child, in hopes that she would wake up and squeeze my hand back. When she didn't...the tears flowed with the thoughts in my head.

Less than 48 hours later, I was saying my goodbyes - all too premature.

I still feel like she is on a business trip...about to come home. Unfortunately, I know my reality - and I wish she would be around to teach many of her gifts to my children and share them with my future partner. While she won't be there to do it - I will make sure it is done and through that she will live.

My Mom, as I knew, and as it is reinforced through other's words every day, was an amazing person. Intelligent. Witty. Caring. Charming. Passionate. A teacher. A leader. Quiet. Cuddly. Stubborn. She set a table you didn't want to disturb. Sophisticated. A lover of music, art, jewelry...the finer things in life. Down-to-earth. Patient. Believed in doing things 100%. Polite. Loving. As a distant friend put it...she was a "top lady".

This is obviously a difficult time, but I feel very fortunate to have friends and family to lean on...without them, this journey would certainly feel like one not worth taking.

Thank you guys for your support. Much love.

I love you, Mom.


Crap - has it really been a month!?

Life has been very interesting lately.

Work is great. Work is hard. It finally seems like the past 10 months+ where I dealt with crap in the workplace are finally paying off. Of course, now that this is somewhat of a “settled” area in my life – there are other areas of “crap” to which I must attend.

I am back in the swing of dating…and of course, trying to balance a social life AND the exhausting days of work. A challenge I am happy to take on…at least I think so!

Recently, I met a gent…truly…but now I am trying to figure out – have I gotten so comfortable with those who play with me, that I am scared to “play” with the men who are sincere??! Am I relationship-ready? Can I truly take it on with a new job? OR…if I was truly into the gent – would I even be asking these questions?

It is amazing – we think we have it all figured out…and then…we get hit with an experience that leads us to questioning all of it!

The only answer I have that seems fair AND that I would share with any friend who came to me with the dilemma would be:

Give it three dates and see how you feel.
If you still aren’t convinced, then you need to put your cards on the table – because it isn’t fair to play with someone’s feelings.

Those are the only answers I have.

AND…I must begin to write about other things on here than guy-issues. SO…pipe up readers…any topics you would like me to write about?? Trust me to give you any advice – if anything, I promise to start sharing some funny stories!