Caught in the act...

I came home from work the other night and had some extra energy to spare. So, I decided to pop some music into the CD player and sing some tunes. The playlist consisted of everything from music from Brooklyn, K's Choice, LP, Lieber and Stoller...

I was singing "Once Upon A Time" and just enjoying singing it out - releasing everything through the music. The song finishes and there is clapping since the CD is a live version of the show. I turn off the cd and still hear cheering...

I look out the window and a little crowd has gathered in the street! My fan club! hahaha

So, I open up the window a lot more, stick my head out and yelled, "THANK YOU NEW YORK! Goodnight!"


I have a dream...

As yet another crappy days falls on me in this marvelous and crazy city...I have my friends and the weather to keep me smiling through the roughest of times.

Tonight, I was thinking much about the challenges that face me currently. While I am unique - my challenges are not. How do you get past the times when you are dealt a not-so-great hand in life?

When it comes down to it - I am not in such a terrible position. I have a job - be it...well...yucky. It allows me to provide myself with a place to rest. Food in my belly. Internet for those sleepless nights. Thank goodness air is free - otherwise, I would have to move! But, the excitement of every day challenges has lost its luster.

How do we find or get back that "shine"? Does it come with the change of seasons? The ability to just get out wonder and ponder and enjoy just being able to be out and be and not freeze in the process. (Yes, I live on the East Coast!) Does it happen by just appreciating the small little things - a good laugh or cry, a good friend who is there for you, a pleasant interaction one observes on the street?

I used to think that dreaming and believing in your dreams helped. Striving to make dreams come true. At my high school graduation, Ben Vereen said, "Shoot for the moon, the worst that could happen is you end up amongst the stars". When I come to days like this - I do remember that moment, and say this to myself.

People aim for their dreams every day...many achieve this every day.

What are your dreams? Or - as the homeless guy in Hollywood says, "What'syo dream?"

Can you read it? Yes, I am feeling a bit lost. Lost not because I don't have answers for how to change my hand into a winning one...but lost because I feel I have gotten away from what I am striving for. What do I want to do? How do I want to make the most of my time? What mark do I want to make on this world? Even if it is as simple as to create a happy and healthy family.

I have made lists in the past of what I want to accomplish - be it travel, experiences, challenges - you name it. But what do you do when you get so tired from the everyday that reaching for the stars seems near impossible - be them large or small?

This tends to lead more towards the dramatic - as I have been surrounded by many a "soap opera" situation today.

I know that solutions occur a step at a time - we have heard that one since we were small...inch by inch...If I get that basic - then, I guess my first step is to get out of my yucky work environment. (Note: I must buy a thesaurus...but "yucky" is such a great word!)

My fellow readers and bloggers - I look to you for some inspiration. Tell me about your dreams and how you have achieved them or are in the process of reaching them.

I leave you with this thought for the evening...

"Like the elephant, we are unconscious of our own strength. When it comes to understanding the power we have to make a difference in our own lives, we might as well be asleep. If you want to make your dreams come true, wake up. Wake up to your own strength. Wake up to the role you play in your own destiny. Wake up to the power you have to choose what you think, do, and say." -- Keith Ellis, Bootstraps

Bonnes Reves! Schlapp Lecker! Sweet Dreams!


Ins and Outs…

If you have been following my French adventure – here is an update…

I have continued to be surprised by my Frenchman. He is honest, polite, sincere…He is in touch daily. We see each other pretty regularly out of work. I had the opportunity to see him last Sunday, Monday and Wednesday. It is really nice to have someone to look forward to seeing at the end of a hard day…and trust me – these days – work is NOT a pleasure. Know anyone who needs a bright, witty and hard-working marketeer? Apologies for that commercial moment – I digress!

While the “going out” formalities didn’t really occur much this week – which was more because I was on such a crazy schedule – it is lovely to just see what “being” with someone who wants to see me as much as possible is like. As this is truly a first.

Gents I have dated in the past have normally not wanted to make seeing me as much as possible a priority – one typically made time to see me once a week – another would fit me in between gigs and friends. Others just haven’t lived in the city, which makes spontaneity and daily routines impossible.

I do enjoy spending time with him…although, I do have some reservations – as he is fresh out of a long-term relationship of 5 years. I think he has begun to realize that by initiating spending so much time together and creating a routine – he is entering something new…something, one might possibly define as committed. And so – this week, I have begun to sense that he is trying to figure out if he is ready to enter something new…and trust – I am trying to figure out if I want to enter this with him too.

There is so much that I really like about him – and could easily love about him.

Is it possible to not feel committed when spending a lot of time with someone who is also intimate with you?

Age differences…

I was speaking with my Frenchman the other night – we were sharing stories about past relationships. Seems like his 5 year relationship was his first serious relationship…and after telling me a bit about how his relationship worked – he asked me to share some information about what my experience was with “serious” relationships.

I shared with him that in my past 5 years in New York – I really hadn’t had very serious, long-term relationships. Sure, I had dated people for a year or so – but due to distance or other circumstances – they really weren’t day-to-day, get-to-know-someone experiences. SO, I had to go back in time and share with him the story of Peter. My boyfriend in college.

I explained to him that because I was in University and that he wasn’t student – much of our time was spent together over the summers or on breaks from the school calendar or when he was in the area – as he lived in New Hampshire – but most of him time during the school year he was on the road recruiting children for his camp – as he was the director of a Summer Program for boys.

Then the questions came up…if he was a director – how old was he? I told him that we had a 10 year age difference. “WHAT?!?!” was his reaction. “How old were you?” was the next question. When I revealed that I was 19-20 when we met and that he was 29-30, my Frenchman began to “criticize” the relationship – how could a 29 year old want to spend time with a 19 year old? How could my parents allow such a thing? What could we possibly have in common?

Part of me was shocked that he would be so openly against a relationship. It wasn’t as if he knew anything of what Peter and I shared – but, at the same time, as a 28-not-far-from-29, his questions were completely valid.

When is age just a number?


The best date...

I have ever had. I swear - I continue to be impressed.

I received a call at 6pm tonight saying that my date, Henri - yes, like Bendel - was on his way to pick me up. PICK ME UP! When is the last time I was ever picked up on a date - ummm - I can answer this honestly - NEVER!

When I went downstairs, outside, waiting at the bottom of my steps was my frenchman.

He said hello to me and we were off, arm and arm, on our evening. We went to cafe rhonda...and he taught me something...he asked if it was possible for us to have a drink at one of the tables. The hostess said no she couldn't do that - and he said, "OK - zen we goh somewhere else." The hostess said, "Are you sure? There is plenty of room at the bar?" and he says, "I am with a beautiful woman, why would I want to have the bar know everything we talk about. No thank you - I find a place that will give us some privacy. Zank you." In 2 seconds, we had a table and I had a big smile on my face!

From there, we went to my favorite Thai restaurant - River. We enjoyed chatting about travel and what kind of life he wants to live...and me too...

The best part - for those of you who know what I have been dealing with for 2 years now...NO anxiety. I felt good. I felt happy. I felt special. I know that these emotions shouldn't and aren't left to what happens with him - but it was nice to finally be sitting across from someone in a romatic situation and not feel uncomfortable.

The night ended with a stroll by the Planetarium, which is another favorite of mine - as it looks awesome lit up at night! We sat and talked...and then some.

Then - the night ended as he walked me home. We had a lovely good night kiss and then he whispered what a great a time he had and that he looked forward to seeing me soon.

I wrote a "Thank You" text and received this...
"You're welcome. Hope we'll have many good moments like this together. You were amazingly beautiful tonight."

Hello...this guy is my Eric Clapton!!!


Un Aventure Francais

Apologies, folks, for my writing delinquency over the past weeks. It really has been tooooo long! There have been many things I have wanted to share – but my time has been spread so thin – and it is with this new month, I take back my time and use it wisely…and frankly, as best I can, the way I want to!

In summary, January’s start was one filled with the possibility of new career paths and relationships, of which both have had disappointing outcomes. By Valentine’s Day – knowing that the job would become a long-term thing in my mind was turning into a dimming possibility.

As for love, with the weather and the inconsistency of actions and words – my mind, possibly fears, and feelings about falling in love turned to “I really can’t stay”…but know that I didn’t run away. I just shared my feelings and walked into a silent dead end – the real quiet zone...the no talking zone. Then again, sharing truths and being honest and being on the receiving end is hard. I guess if he acknowledged the screw-ups made – the only thing in his mind would be to “up the anty” so to speak. AND – since he is a poker player – that is quite the suitable term! I guess upping the anty is a hard thing to do…so– being the gal that I am, I accepted that silence and have not looked back! And it is amazing what happens when you don’t…

And now we get to the heart of the story…

I had a truly NYC movie moment last night. My glamorous life took me to the drug store. While on line waiting to purchase my goodies, an attractive man walked through the doors and looked at me and smiled. I smiled back and, magically, the register was ready for me. I paid, and when I walked out, there was the man smiling and watching me leave. It was nice to be noticed…but that was about it. I continued my walk home. While waiting for the light to change on Amsterdam Avenue, someone walked up to me and said, “Excuse-moi”…I turned to see who was speaking to me – and to my surprise it was the man from the drugstore. WHAT?!

Moi: Yes?
Frenchie: Um, I am verry sorry to bahzer u…but I cood not help but noteece you in zee drug store. I was oping you might con-see-der aving a drink wis me sometime? Perhaps, now or later, if posseeeble?

(Like reading my French accent?)

I was stunned. Nothing like that has ever happened. And definitely not here in the city…and if it does happen, it hasn’t happened to me. I was impressed by his politeness – and frankness. And before I knew it – I was saying yes.

We walked into West Side Brewery. He was very quick to open doors, pull out chairs. Already, I am…well…a leeetle imprezzed.

We sit down…and both of us smiled and laughed. And then I asked him his name. Henri. We introduced ourselves. My urge to help carry the conversation completely disappeared in moments as he gracefully asked me questions, which led to many conversations and discoveries about things we had in common – travel, language, film, dance, arts, music, etc.

2 glasses of wine later, he was saying that he was so pleased I wasn’t seeing anyone – and with this knowledge, would I feel comfortable joining him for a dinner soon. I said I would feel comfortable with this idea. He shared that he knew where he would like to go and would I enjoy this type of place. Wow…a leetle more imprezzed. Ca marche!

I asked him why he decided to approach me – he said it was kind of a funny see-tu-ashon (situation). A woman that he works with, in her 40s, was telling him over lunch how she had made a connection (aka eye contact) with a man. After their eyes met a couple of times, that is where it ended…she told him of her disappointment…and it stayed in the back of his head. “When I zaw u, I felt these connection she was speaking of…and I deedn’t want to be sad…or for you to possible feel sad too and when I zaw u on zee corner – I knew I had to zay something.” Big smile.

C’est cool, no? He was very careful to not make me uncomfortable. I appreciated that. Once we finished our wine, he asked me if he could get me anything else – I said no…but Merci…I should really get home. D’accord. He asked me for my phone number. I offered to help pay…and all of the sound effects come out of this man’s heart shaped lips. Psst…aww…nooooo…achhhh…hahahaha

I go to put my jacket on – he helps me. I go to pick up my bags – he takes them from me to carry them. He grabs the door before I can get to it. Outside he offers me his arm to walk…and walks me home…at my door he says he was so glad to meet me and looked forward to our dinner. Kiss-kiss – French departure…and I walked inside.

If that wasn’t a NY moment…un aventure Francais.
PS – turns out he is a direct descendant of the Louis X?@ and one of his mistresses! Bastard Aristocracy!! Hahahaha