Bad Decisions

OK folks...so, now I can tell you I have learned my lesson - never mix a place you spend lots of time in with someone who spends just as much time as you there. Like a neighbor, or a gym or any other place where people know you well enough to know your name.

I did it...and now I am totally paying the price. Of course, if it had all worked out in my favor - then I probably wouldn't be venting it here...I'd be celebrating the glances, winks and notes that make one feel oh-so-special.

I met a guy that I really connected with, and I know that he connected with me. We understood each other's wacky sense of humours, could speak about the more serious things, can just be quiet and not feel the need to speak, etc. - sounds good, right?! Add in the physical - and well, I was very surprised to think that there might be something here to work with.

Then, add into the equation that the boy is getting over someone else...and not dealing with it so well. All of this equals ONE BIG MESS I have made for myself.

I know better to stay out of the way...and am taking his distancing cues like a good line delievered in a play. My heart sadly feels a loss - as I see I will easily be replaced once I am less visible.

I guess I will just try and focus on the good:
[1] that I saw there are people in this crazy city that I can enjoy getting to know
[2] more importantly, that there is a person out there I am supposed to share my life with, who is searching for me in the pool, playing that big game of marco polo waiting to catch me.

Ode to the Single Life

A very interesting question was raised by a friend today - and since it has also been on my mind as of late, I figured I would share with you my thoughts.

Question: If you are single for long enough, would you have a clue how to incorporate someone into your life?

The "advisory" side of me would like to contribute: "I think it is probably like riding a bicycle". Now - speaking from REALITY - the last time I got on a bike, it was a very sad sight. My balance was off...my grip was too tight...my seat was at the wrong height. Sounds like a pretty picture, eh!? This was definitely an exercise requiring quite a bit of practice!! I guess it is just easier for some than others.

Are relationships harder for those who feel more independent and happy on their own? I have never been someone who went from relationship to relationship. I meet many people. I date. But over the years, the true, long-term commitments have been far and few. (Don't ask me for a timeline!) Other friends of mine breakup with someone, mourn, heal, and boom - someone else is in their life. How the heck?!?

For moi, single life is very comfortable. I enjoy quiet time at the end of a hard day. (And y'all know how hard these days have been!) I like knowing if I choose to workout at the gym a bit longer than normal, that I am not letting anyone down. That I can watch whatever I want. Chat with friends. Do what I want, when I want, how I want. Sounds very Veruca Salt-like...ewwww. BUT - when all is said and done - I still crave a relationship. I want that special someone in my life that I can't wait to see in the morning and wake up to talk to or cuddle with before I fall asleep. The person that makes me smile just by being there.

Over the past few weeks of my recent dating life, I have enjoyed getting to know someone new and spend time with them, but I found very conflicted as I really missed having my space. I was thrilled to experience the feel of being courted and of someone wanting to spend time with me - but there definitely was another side of me saying - "Hold a phone - what happened to the things you used to do!!"

I watch my friends in other relationships - from the moment they met it worked. Spending time together was easy - like a good shepherd's pie. Hmmmm mmmm good. Others in the "getting to know you" process are like oil and water - getting them to mix is hard, one must occassionally stir. There is definitely a happy medium. Sounds like a good drink!!

SO - when my "advisory side" and my "reality" meet to share with you some thoughts - I guess what I would say is that "Incorporation" has to be at a pace that works for you. There is no firm way to go about it. You might need to "get to know" that person for a while before you want them in your space - as it is sacred place. You might find that all you want is to share your nook.

Either way - practice is ongoing and essential. Recipes are not final - until you get the taste you want! At least we will become connoisseurs along the way!

Where'd that Frenchman go?!

You were wondering where that Frenchman went…

Well, like the Englishman, he didn't go up the hill. I could think of a few places to send him though.

The Frenchman had his friends and family in town over the past two weeks. They left yesterday evening…I guess close to midnight, since that was the first time I heard anything from him in weeks. Unfortunately, I wasn’t available for the call – but I guess it wasn’t important because no message was left. Hmph.

So, the following day, I sent an email asking him how his last two weeks with family and friends were and hoped they were great. Noticed I missed his call the other night – looking forward to catching up.

I got an email reply quickly saying that it was great – but he was exhausted. Life is treating him well – friends and family were good. Work and outside projects are great. Blah blah blah…

He then asks how I was and what were my plans…I told him that I was going with the flow. Things were ok – work was still rough. I explained that I had a meeting that afternoon, in which I felt I would find out my fate within the company – and that I really wasn’t sure what to prepare for. BUT, that either way – knowing is a good thing…and I certainly would find out soon enough as the day was coming to close.

As for my plans…I told him I already had plans for the evening – but was available for Saturday. Stupidly, I sent a follow up – apologizing for dumping all the work news on him. Would I apologize for sharing that with a friend? NO. If he can’t handle it or doesn’t want to hear it – off you go, on y va, au revoir, bye-bye.

No response. NOTHING. Still not a word.

So…while there wasn’t much to follow here…2 weeks of dates…a little romance…I have a great story to tell. Experienced a formal court-ship. And, am now moving forward - looking to find my happy-medium.

Lots of finished chapters came with April 1 – and unfortunately, none of them were jokes.

Where did everyone’s sense of humor go!?!?

The suspense about work...

...has come to a close. As it would have to, if one is to be considered a temp. After much long-awaited suspense, I had a chat with my boss and she let me know that once their new fiscal year begins (June) my services will no longer be needed. She shared some information with me – some that didn’t shock me, some that disappointed me, and some that confirmed that she really is a horrible manager, and enough was said to let me know that this wouldn’t have been the right team for me no matter how hard I worked.

And now, the shock sets in…that big changes are to come again…and the hardest, craziest, largest part to have to swallow is that of the unknown.

I still haven’t lost my faith in the belief that things do happen for a reason. This work environment was one of the hardest, most challenging places to try and succeed. There are a lot of “Grinches” here. Most, with the exception of one on my team, tried to do everything possible to see me fail. Who wants that?! So – I have gotten through it and I can still laugh and be the consummate professional that I am.

I also made some good friends…hopefully, ones I will keep in my circle…

And that’s the Cliff’s Note version of this chapter…