All I want for Christmas...

This morning as I was getting ready, Mariah Carey's voice shot out over the radio singing, "I don't want alot for Christmas, there is just one thing..."

My first thoughts..."Isn't this is a bit too soon to hear??" Of course, then...whilst blow drying my hair and singing along...I start to think...now that I have pretty much wiped my "Guy Slate" clean, who would I want for Christmas or Hanukkah or Kwanzaa or any of the other festivals of light occuring in the next couple of weeks!?!?

It is pretty wild...for the past month, I have definitely been an active dater...of course, we realize it is alot of work AND we lovely ladies must kiss many frogs before finding our prince...we had planeboy-gone-commitment-phobe, Cheapman - we all know how impressive that was!! (PS...a friend was intrigued by this and did a trademark search for Cheapman...as we thought, stupid lawyers bluff...maybe I should trademark it just to spite him so he can't use it!!! HA!) and lately there have been a guy or two I have been in touch with via IM and email and I swear - while I think technology is the greatest, for those who already are inept at communicating, technology is one more detriment...unless truly open to learning??! (Be postive...)

I was speaking with a guy on IM the other day...he asked me a little bit about me and then asked to see some photos (turn off 1) - even though he already had seen a picture...did he think the previous photos were fake...and then asked me if we could meet this weekend. Day? Check. Time? Check. Place? Ummm...I got a "hold on" (turn off 2) and then never heard back. Don't quite get it - but am completely shocked that this is the way someone would want to make a first impression...so far - I am totally unimpressed. Apparently, I am still on hold...even customer service lines are quicker than this!!

Then - to go to a complete flip...a guy I dated briefly last year, contacted me again and asked if he could take me out for coffee and have a "second" chance. Due to timing the first time around, I said ok. SO - now we have been IMing for about a month, he still hasn't asked me out for coffee, but had NO problem asking me to go with him to Miami this weekend?!?! WHAT?!?! Now, Miami sounds nice and all - but am I crazy that an invite like that should be reserved for at least 1 date!?!?

I know I am charming, but to be eCharming too...I am truly blessed! hahaha

So...what do I want...not sure if it is either of the options above...but man - this tune is catchy...(Sing with me now!) ...there’s just one thing I need just want to see my baby (c'mon Mariah...baby? MAN!!) standing right outside my door. Oh I just want him for my own, more than you could ever know. Make my wish come true - All I want for Christmas is You!!

Everyone now...You, you, you, you, you!!!


You wanna talk bad dates?!?!?!

So…my dear friend-a-roonies, as promised, I have mentioned many a “bad” date…today is your lucky day, as I will finally share some of these tales with you…Go grab some Hot Chocolate – and don’t forget that nice big splash of Baileys…maybe a marshmallow or two…hell, grab the bag, we might be here for a while…

I am not sure where my bad luck came from when it comes to dating…this is a top 10 I have thought of to try and rationalize this…

1. Growing up in NYC, I was one of the youngest and cutest singletons on the block – and the evil neighbors put on a singletons curse on me…so, I was predestined to know what being single in the city was like
2. Watched tooo much “Happy Days” and thought outside of learning morals, the rest would come pretty easy
3. The stars were way out of alignment (see Astrologyzone)…Mercury was kissing Venus instead of Mars and Uranus was playing with Scooby Doo instead of Pluto!
4. I liked older men way too quickly
5. I have visions of Gene Kelley dancing into my life and sweeping me off my feet
6. I am not blond haired, nor blue eyed
7. There is a shortage of men – there aren’t enough quality ones out there and the ones who might be quality are short!!?
8. My past life’s soul still lives in the ‘50s and expects men to treat women the same way they did back then
9. I actually read The Rules…and wasn’t sure whether following them was realistic or insanity…either way – it didn’t work
10. Nothing is wrong me with…my time hasn’t come yet and I am IMPATIENT!

Now that we have this ridiculous Top 10 created…let’s go back to that land of Dates and Nightmares…However, I won’t go back to the beginning of time…there is enough that has occurred in the last month to keep you busy for a while…

Boy #1
I had the opportunity to take a week and go to London…and I went…had a good time with friends…and on the ride back met a lovely British man…from the moment we sat down, we were very pleased…we weren’t freaks or smelly, snored or pushy when it came to personal space…we chatted for a very long time – 4 hours into the flight – we took our first break…he went to the men’s loo and I took a nap…

By the end of the flight, we were going to get luggage together and share a cab – ahhhh, the start of a perfect relationship! HA! For one week it was bliss…I got nice phone calls and was invited out on planned dates…but after 1, ONE, Uno week – something happened. I know I wasn’t speaking of commitment, wasn’t calling him, made sure to keep a lot of space – I got the email saying – I was great, there is a connection, I am freaking out, Good Luck, 10-4. Wow – heartbroken was I…until….

I found out he was on JDate…and did a little super-sleuthing...because my middle name happens to be “Nancy Drew Fabulous Girl Detective”…and saw that the day after he sent out this email to me – he had updated his profile AND USED ONE OF OUR PERFECT DATES as HIS IDEAL PERFECT FIRST DATE!!!!!! Am I crazy?! Maybe a little…but, this was a humbling and sobering end to the heartbreak I was feeling…time to move on.

Boy #2, date 1
Of course, while I was snooping…uhhh…I mean super-sleuthing…hahahah…I had an email sent from my old eHarmony account that there was someone who wanted to communicate with me. I decided to give it a try – he sounded kinda neat…not too freakish – but I was definitely intrigued by the name – Writer…who from now on, we will call Cheapman…can you tell where this story is going?!

We communicated for a while and then decided to meet for a glass of wine. We had decent conversation, outside of the awkwardness of meeting face-to-face…although, when he didn’t offer me a second glass, when ordering his wine – I should have taken greater stock in this…he asked me out again, I accepted.

Boy #2, date 2
We planned to go to the movies…Cheapman was on a fast and therefore, no food…at the eleventh hour, he came to his senses and broke the fast and asked me if we could go for a nice meal. I said sure…we met for dinner and the feast began! He ordered an appetizer and by the time it arrived, drink #1 for Cheapman was done…Round 2! In come the entrees…more drinks…ummm – for Cheapman! Fast forward…after some compliments and handholding, the bill comes…I do my polite move, “Can I contribute to this meal?” and he is SUPPOSED to say, “No, but thank you.”…remember – SUPPOSED…but, in my world, on that particular day, this didn’t happen. He said, “Sure – let’s go dutch”. Stunned I pulled out my CC…and when the waitress comes by – he says, “Feel free to split this on both cards”. Hmmm – doesn’t sound Dutch or Kosher anymore.

Now – please don’t feel I am cheap…I am just very unemployed at the moment and needing to keep a close count on my pennies – had I known this is how the situation would have worked out – no matter how much I liked him, I wouldn’t have gone.

Unfortunately, to report – this type of date happened one more time…we planned a movie date…had time for Chinese…he asked me to “chip in” for the meal…and when I didn’t have enough $$, he took what I did have and then told me I could buy the drinks we were going to go have because we had time to kill between now and the movie…I must’ve been in a trance to not walk away…

The Finale…
I got an IM from Cheapman asking me if I had some time to go out on the weekend…I said, “Yes, but I can’t really afford to go out right now with the lack of job and holidays, etc”…his response…”Well, there is always window shopping”!!!!!!!!!!!!! Real winner, eh!? We chatted a bit more, maybe a polite line or two and then he said, “Well, gimme a hollaaaaaaaaaah if you are on the superhighway”. I figured that was it – I didn’t need to say anything more…I went to eHarmony and closed our communication and told him I was pursuing another relationship, just to make it clear that all was over. While I wasn’t thinking of anyone in particular…I felt like letting him know I didn’t want to date HIM…C-H-E-A-P-M-A-N! The next morning, I got this:
Jen,I was cleaning up the poor, unfortunate souls collecting in my eHarmony account, and noticed thatyou shut me down because you are "pursuing another relationship." Did you mis-check a box or am I toast?Please drop me a line. -Cheapman

Hmmm…so now, I am really wondering if I was tooo quick to judge, etc. I really am not a mean person…I am quite a teddy bear – and like a dolphin, loyal to my school. I sign on and immediately, get an IM from him asking me to explain…so, I send this – with the help of Jules of Wisdom:


I thought I would have more time to write this - but I know I have you waiting on IM...so the pressure is on to get this to you...

I think you're really cool. However, I am looking for more than cool. I want a gentlemen. Although you never did anything awful, I was a bit put off that I was asked to enjoy evenings out with you and then paid for it...literally. It's not like i don't like you or don't think that we could have been really fantastic together. In fact, I was looking forward to hearing all of your stories and telling you some of mine. (A girl has her secrets, no!? )BUT...I think that those little things like common chivalry are a big deal. I feel like I make such an effort to make everyone in my life feel important...special...and i LOVE making the guy I am with feel, not like a guy, but a MAN. However, I like feeling like a lady...and being treated like one. It's not a "little thing" to me because I think it reflects a much bigger picture about mutual respect. I just happen to think (and have learned from experience) that when things start like this they tend to snowball and I never want to feel like i am not special or worth making an investment in.

Yesterday when we were on IM and you asked me if I had time this weekend. I responded by saying I have time - but can't afford to go out - because in going out with you I wind up spending more than I let myself spend in a week. When you told me there was window shopping and say hi on the internet superhighway if you see me was your way of saying - well...I am not investing in you and so that's that...

I was suprised to see an email from you this afternoon in my inbox. Your email letting me know you were still interested, actually made me feel like I may have been too quick to judge. I am by no means perfect, but I have been burned pretty recently by someone who had no problem letting me make all the decisions...paying for all the dates i was invited to go on...and i don't want that in the future.

So, that's about it.

If you feel like you'd like to prove me wrong, I'd love to hear from you.

If not and we are on different pages, then, i wish you the very best...and I may name a character in my next novel after you, because seriously it is the coolest. - Jen

So…he im’s me and begins to NICKEL AND DIME everything!!!!! I let him go through this – and then tell him I am sorry this is they way it is – but it just seems we are on different pages…of course – I wanted to throw in – you are cheap and I am not. But – I kept it all inside! (Pat on the back!) BUT then, he throws some zingers…he says, “I have never done the Sayonara on IM, thanks for being the first….PS – you can’t use my name , I have it trademarked”. What??!?!!? This geek, this egocentric, cheap and cheasy nerd had TMd his name and instead of taking my last line as a compliment uses it this way…watch out…”Really, well, I am sure that with a person of your character, I will be able to find some suitable names to use instead”.

AND that folks…was the end of that one…

I am sure there is more to come…but I didn’t and don’t want to leave on a “Negative Note”…and that is…I still dream of a day, when I turn around and wake up in the morning and there he is waking up too and smiling at me…it is out there – it is just timing…and in the meantime…go jump those frogs and see which one turns into your prince.



So here I am, ready to shut down for the day...I haven't told you much about me...but the puzzle pieces will soon come together...I promise. My best friend, Julie , works with a recent ex-guy-I-used-to-see...he wasn't really a boyfriend, and he definitely couldn't call me a girlfriend, due to commitment-phobic-issues-he-was-tooooooooo-scared-to-discuss...

ANYWHO...it turns out, that while I knew he wasn't the sweetest dessert on the plate...I found some of our moments to be a bit "yummy". Although, now the aftertaste is killing me. Turns out, this guy, I invested time in, is a COMPLETE bastard...and it isn't due to our breakup - it is just who he is!! I can't believe I dated the guy nobody likes to hang with in the office!!!

So, I say - glad I am moving on...but how can I help my bestest friend get through his shitty days?!?! Being that it is the holiday season - maybe a little "Christmas Carol" action is needed...ya know, bring in those ghosts from Christmas past and present and show him how terrible his future would be if he doesn't turn it around!?!??!

If you have suggestions, outside of leaving a horse on his pillow, since I am not willing to travel to Astoria - I am open!!

Love you, Julie!! The days off coming to you will be delicious!!

Blog...Numbah One

What should say? Should I become passionate about a subject or theme? Be a really cool generalist and show how much I really know? Just be real…ok …ready, steady, go!

Oh the pressure of the first…blog!

You thought I was going to write about a first date out with some guy or something, right?? Nah…but I am sure I will go there sometime in the near future, AND oh yes, and you do want me too – because I have some very good stories as of late. V. Good...almost unebelievable.

Blogging…this could be one of the best inventions for the single New York City female to vent all. Finally, she can get it all out in one stroke of a key! BUT, I do promise – while it will feel like venting to me – it will read as pure entertainment to you. This is my guarantee and my hope to you, for you!

Welcome to iKahn! (cuture, trends and last names)